Advice Column #2: How do I start over?

I rage quit my job after 12 years. Wow, that felt amazing! But now I'm stuck. How do I get my career moving again?

Photo by Luca Bravo on Unsplash

Dear Bizlet: After 12 years at the same company, I had enough. I gave notice and I quit. My manager didn’t believe I would really go through with it, but I did. I couldn’t handle the toxicity and the steady diet of mistreatment and neglect. So now I’m starting over. There’s just one problem. I don’t know how! I’m spending hours on LinkedIn and I’m seeing everything I’ve done wrong. My skills are out of date, and I have no certifications. I thought there would be dozens of jobs for me, but I haven’t even been able to get an interview. I know plenty of people in my industry, but I wish I’d been better at cultivating those relationships over the years. It’s so quiet. Nobody calls, nobody writes. I feel like I might have made a terrible mistake. Should I go crawling back to my old job? How do I start writing a new story? —Kristin

Dear Kristin:

I know something that you do not know. Many of the people reading this know it too. And that is this:

You are not alone.

So many people go through this when they experience a career change. I felt a lot of these same things when I left a corporate job a few years ago. Thanks to your touching message, I’m feeling them again right now! You’ve reminded me how important it is to connect with people who understand what you’re going through. Thank you.

Many people leave their jobs with hearts full of optimism for what comes next. After a few weeks, some doubt may set it. After a few months, doubt can turn to despair. My own career was nearly derailed when I got caught in a depressive spiral. After I got rejected for a job after the “final round” I could feel things starting to rotate. Not long after that, they were spinning like a named storm.

I clawed my way out of that, and I had a lot of help. You’re going to get back on top of your situation as well.

I have a few suggestions for you:

1. We post on Instagram when we’re feeling pretty. We post on LinkedIn when we’re feeling proud. We post on TikTok… well, I don’t, but maybe I should! My point is this: nobody on these sites is telling us what they’re actually going through. Or what they went through before that picture was taken, or how long they were looking before their “new job” announcement. You’re reading glamorized, idealized stories that are optimized for ‘likes.’

2. Stop comparing your profile to others on LinkedIn. Start asking yourself “What would make my profile look great to my next boss?” A great LinkedIn profile does not occur naturally as the result of a successful career. A good LinkedIn profile results from somebody spending a lot of time on their LinkedIn profile. Do you think I have a good LinkedIn profile? I hope so, because I have been working on it for about 20 years.

3. Stop counting how many connections other people have. Trust me when I tell you they have no idea who any of those people are. Those connections are even more useless than the relationships you’ve been neglecting. You can re-activate those relationships and put them to work for you by getting back in touch with all of those people. Drop them a line and let them know what you’re up to. Something good will come of this! I suggest you make that your full-time job for a little while.

4. Here’s tough advice that I give every week. If you’re not getting interviews, there is a reason. I cannot tell you what it is. I can tell you what it is not. It’s not the universe sending you a coded message about your choices. The universe has two ways of communicating with us: Sometimes it drops a safe on our head. Other times it’s a piano. Mostly what the universe is trying to say is that your résumé does not show you’re an obvious fit for the role you’re applying for.

5. Loneliness can be a problem for someone in your situation. It got ahold of me even while I was safely stowed in a warm home full of people who love me. A career transition means sudden separation from a familiar community, role, and maybe a physical space. This can be very disorienting. People who work from home are not immune to this, in fact they they may be more vulnerable. Home-workers may have already been more isolated socially than they realized. Consider joining a co-working space. Ask a colleague if they can loan you a desk. Join a Slack or Discord community like ours, Safe @ Work, where you have access to people supporting each other.

6. Be realistic about your progress. For a mid- to late-career professional, a 3-6 month job search is typical. That’s in a good economy. For a senior-level person during not-so-great times, 9 months would be normal. Longer is possible. Remember, people are not posting a photo of an empty pint of ice cream to Instagram every time a week goes by without any progress. Find a community you can talk to about what others are really experiencing out there.

There’s so much more to say on the subject, but I’m going to leave it here for now. I am here for you if you need me. Take an inventory of your blessings and the advantages that are going to help you make the next thing happen. If you do decide to return to the old job, you’ll bring with you the wisdom and experience you’re gaining now. That will be useful no matter what happens next.

Have a question like the one asked in the advice column? Paid newsletter subscribers get priority coaching advice through the Safe @ Work Slack community. Join today, get the help you need today, just a few bucks a month.

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