Advice Column #3: Now What?
You may find yourself in a beautiful house... and you may ask yourself, "How do I work this?"
Dear Bizlet: I’m in my forties and I have a great job. I make good money, and I have everything I thought I wanted. My question is: now what? The work seems… empty. I could try to get promoted again, but that makes me feel sad. Do I really just want to be a more senior version of myself. Is this really all there is? Last week I spent 30 hours on a PowerPoint that nobody will ever look at again. I used to feel like such a creative person. If I had any integrity, I would quit the corporate world and follow my passion. I want to start a company making toys and games for kids. We have enough money for me to make a go of that for maybe six months. But realistically I don’t feel courageous enough to take that kind of risk. I’m feeling a bit hollow inside. What should I do? —Natasha
Natasha, thanks for writing.
There once was a very popular book called “Who Moved My Cheese?” For a while, managers and coaches passed out copies of this like candy.
In it, a parable unfolds about four creatures living in maze. We follow them along their individual quests for satisfaction. Each pursues a heroic quest for success from a different source. Each hero’s personality reveals differences in how they confront the twists and turns on their journey.
From this, we are meant to learn that change is inevitable. In fact, it’s good for us! Our lives are actually defined by how we define success and the sacrifices we make while we pursue it.
I hope that helps, Natasha. I’ll be back next week.
I’m kidding, I’m still here! This book made the exclamation “who moved my cheese?” part of the self-help lexicon in the 90’s. The elusive quest for success also reminds me of the song “Once in a Lifetime” by Talking Heads (which, by the way, is #28 on Rolling Stone’s list of the top 500 songs of all time.)
It was once fashionable to say that the lyrics of this song were meant to decry the soullessness of yuppie materialism and to impeach the raging excesses of the 1980s. Research later revealed that the 1980s had not yet happened when the song was released. But that’s David Byrne for you.
In a 2000 NPR interview, Byrne gave this explanation of the song’s meaning: "We operate half-awake or on autopilot and end up, whatever, with a house and family and job and everything else, and we haven't really stopped to ask ourselves, 'How did I get here?'" Yikes, David Byrne.
So, Natasha, how did you get here?
You got where you are by making good decisions. That’s how you achieved so many of your goals. As you grew, your goals began to change. That’s not a problem if your choices change with them.
Many of us grow comfortable making the same kinds of decisions that got us where we are. If we want to go someplace different, we have to make different decisions. We have to get a little bit uncomfortable. Otherwise, it’s more of the same cheese.
Another Framework
Here’s a framework for mid-career people who know they want to change their lives, but aren’t sure how. I’ll describe three options in broad strokes. You supply the details for what each option would look like for you:
A) Fuck It. Quit your job and start a Shopify store for your toys and games.
B) Fix It. Focus on what’s broken with your current role. Envision a version of your job that doesn’t feel terrible. Figure out how to get there from here.
C) Exit. Or at least start looking for a new job. Let’s insist that the new job needs to be better in all the ways that matter. More money, less stress, more work/life balance. Whatever it takes to get you feeling whole again.
Option A is swinging for the fences! It’s going to require a lot of research and planning. It might not be feasible to execute until you’ve saved up some money and figured out your health care.
Option B we can start on Monday. Schedule the meeting with your manager. Talk to them about what is and is not working for you. Make this a low-stakes conversation about how you’re looking to provide more value to your company. Be careful not to get carried away and resign accidentally (it happens, trust me.)
Option C can start tomorrow. First, you need to figure out what a “next” job would look like that meaningfully changes your level of job satisfaction. And then you can start work on a résumé and LinkedIn profile that makes you the perfect candidate for that job.
Now buckle up, Natasha, here comes the twist. I want you to do all three of the options. Here’s why.
Option A is going to take some groundwork. You could decide that your goal is to commit yourself to the toys and games venture for two years. There will probably be some financial prerequisites for doing that. You may need to save up some money, or court some loans or investors.
All of that will be easier once you have made some progress on your idea. You can start that groundwork today. Decide now to start investing a few hours a week in your “Fuck It” idea. Start today, and in a year or two it could become your Option C. This is the kind of different decision you need to make if you want a different result. Everybody should have an Option A in the works.
Option B is self-care, Natasha, and it’s not really optional. I was just being nice. If your work makes you feel empty, that’s not healthy. It’s not good for your career prospects long-term. It’s not good for your wellness in the short-term. Your manager is responsible for your safety at work, and that includes making sure your role is sustainable. Start talking to them about this now, or else you won’t make it long enough for Options A or C to get traction.
Option C is to get a new job! Some aspects of your current role can be improved by Option B. Other things can only be fixed with your feet. The first step is defining the requirements for a new role that doesn’t make you feel hollowed out inside. With that you can get a resume and profile together and start pounding the pavement.
So Natasha, do all three things. You don’t have to do them all at once. Make a worksheet for yourself with three columns. In each, write a list of steps you need to take or decisions you need to make to advance your progress. Make it your goal to check off one thing from each column each week.
It’s going to require you to move from making decisions in a way that you’re comfortable with to a new, less comfortable situation. Otherwise, you’re going to be on a road to nowhere.
This is from “Who Moved My Cheese”:
Being in the uncomfortable zone is much better than staying in the cheese-less situation.
When you’re making a change like this, the most important step is the first one you take. You can do it, Natasha and remember that you don’t have to do it alone.
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