How to Cry at Work
What do I do if somebody starts crying in a meeting?
What do I do if somebody starts crying in a meeting?
[Like all of my writing, this post does not relate to my current job. All dry eyes here!]
In my work as a people manager, a leader, and a coach, I have sometimes found myself in the room with a crying person.
I have seen crying people flee a meeting and run into the nearest bathroom.
I have witnessed people crying into their coffee in the cafeteria, or smoking a soggy cigarette out back.
Over a career as a manager, people are going to burst into tears in your office (or your Zoom) from time to time.
I’m not saying it should be a regular occurrence, but it does happen. It is normal. It is ok.
Sometimes I have found myself reacting to a crying person as though it’s an attack on me. I felt defensive.
But I realized, fairly recently, that I am not the center of the universe for the people I manage! That’s helped me handle these situations with a little more empathy. You can try this too.
People have emotional lives outside of work that affect them at work. That is healthy and normal.
Some people might have more volatile emotional lives than others. That can be healthy for them.
Some people are prone to crying at the drop of a hat. They’re ok too!
(I love you, easy criers! You remind me that processing intense feelings are one of the best parts of being an adult.)
How should we handle a crying person?
I want to focus on handling them as thoughtfully as I possibly can, recognizing that the moment is for them a very vulnerable one.
The first words out of my mouth are going to be: “It’s ok to cry. You don’t have to apologize. I know you’re upset, and you have good reason to be. Take your time with it.”
If I can hand them some tissue, I’ll do that.
Next, I will shut up, stop talking, and try to let them process what they’re going through. I’ll say something like “I’m going to stop talking, let’s just be quiet for a few moments.”
Next: I will offer to end the meeting. This is a no-brainer. “Listen, I can see you’re upset and I don’t want to exacerbate this situation more than necessary. Why don’t we stop for now, you can take some time to process, and we’ll pick this up again later.”
In retrospect, the most common cause of my encounters with crying people is this: I screwed up by delivering some news or information that came as a huge surprise.
A “no surprises” policy is great for many reasons, and one is that it minimizes the likelihood that you’ll put people in a situation where they will struggle to manage their emotional response.
I try not to do that, and I hope you will too. If you do meet a crying person, try to center their experience in how you handle it.
It’s ok to cry. It means you’re a human being, and those are some of my favorite people in the whole world.
“Flawlessly manage all emotions at all times” was not in your job description. It’s ok to cry. It means you’re a human being, and human beings are some of my favorite people.