Go fuck yourself.
Better get there first, before someone else does!
After coaching and managing people through so many wild and scary situations in my years, I’m a bit worried that my writing is starting to resemble a kind of corporate Kama Sutra.
It’s my account of all the ways us corporate types are getting fucked at work. Whether you are looking for a new job or ways to grow your business, I remind you that you must first love yourself before any employer or client will.
Just do it in moderation. And please wash your hands.
Today’s Book Club Book
The Kama Sutra — literally, “Principles of Love” — is an ancient Hindu text. It was first published in English fairly recently, in the grand scheme of things, in 1883.
It was written much, much earlier; perhaps hundreds of years BC. The text is probably the most-pirated in history.
It is terribly, tragically misunderstood, but aren’t we all. According to Wikipedia, the Kama Sutra “is neither exclusively nor predominantly a sex manual on sex positions.” So, displaying it on the shelf in the living room does not make you seem as edgy as you might think.
It’s a self-help book, really. In a mix of prose, poetry, and illustration, it reveals ageless manual of love and desire, relationships, and adultery, and how to do or not do all of those things the right and proper way.
It’s the BCE equivalent of “live laugh love” or perhaps “you cannot love anyone until you love yourself.”
Along with vivid diagrams of how to do both the right and proper way.
Survivors
Still here?! Fascinating choice.
Today, I wanted to share three important ways to avoid fucking yourself over. I promise: No pictures.
First: Expect less from your bosses. In the corporate world, participation in the management class is predicated on a simple trade-off. Managers are permitted to believe that they will enjoy some greater measure of stability than the people below them. In exchange, they tacitly agree to fire them stoically when asked, and to forego questioning the ethical or moral ramifications of the decisions made by those above them.
Every manager knows, or should, that their own interests will inevitably diverge from the team they lead. Hold this knowledge in the space between you and your boss. That way you’ll never make the mistake of expecting more from them than you should.
Negotiate
Please, please, please: Never accept the first offer. In any negotiation for a job offer or a business deal, if you accept the first offer, you are — with the rarest exception — a fool. The courage to negotiate is distributed unevenly and unfairly to privileged people who, shittily, need it least. Find one of us! Ask to borrow some privilege when you need it. Say “Hey, Mortimer, could you help me figure out how to handle this negotiation?”
A great way to lower the stakes is to find a way to respond to an offer with a question. Try this: “Thank you! Do you feel this is open to negotiation, or are these strictly the only terms you would accept?”
My friend, if you do not negotiate, guess what the person with more privilege will always end up with? And look how that’s working out for us.
The end
Finally, remember that none of us are getting out of here alive. One thing I have learned from 30 years in the corporate world is that there is no way to succeed at it. The most talented, successful, appreciated, educated people I know have been mercilessly shitcanned from billion dollar companies. They may have money in the bank, but no idea what to do with the rest of their lives.
Get in control of your career as early as you possibly can. The best time to start was years ago and the second-best time is now. Start a business, and fail. Start another business, and fail again. Diversify your sources of revenue. Take on partners. Invest in your friends’ businesses. Real estate? Freelance? Coaching!
What if you start an Etsy shop or a newsletter or an eBay store, and it never even makes enough to cover a bag of scones? Well, what if you don’t start that store, and somebody else does?
If you haven’t already, please get something started for yourself this year — before the year runs out. If you’ve already started your business, expand it. Launch a new product or service on your website. Try something new.
Don’t leave your career or your business in the hands of other people.
Fuck those guys, am I right?