Guys Like Us

I read a post by a manager describing her experience recruiting for a number of positions on her team. She’s frustrated that many of the…

I read a post by a manager describing her experience recruiting for a number of positions on her team. She’s frustrated that many of the women she interviewed seemed to lack confidence. She generously offered free coaching to help women develop their skills in this area.

I wrote recently about my discomfort with words like “charisma” and “gravitas” which are often given as required skills. It frustrates me, because in my experience these traits are not necessarily correlated with success.

“Confidence” is another idea that I think can be dangerous when it reinforces stereotypes that favor one group of people over another.

Stereotype, noun: A widely held but fixed and oversimplified image or idea of a particular type of person. — Oxford Languages

What do we think of when we think about the traits of a successful businessperson? We think of them as confident, extroverted, risk-taking, talkative, aggressive, ambitious, and goal-oriented.

Have you known successful people who are humble, introverted, conservative, quiet, reserved, unambitious, or people-oriented? I’ve often found outgoing candidates appealing. But when I look back, many of the best have been fairly quiet and reserved.

It’s also deeply disturbing that we would expect people who have been excluded, under-compensated, under-represented, and abused by our system to exhibit “confidence” while trying to navigate it. That’s not on them, that’s on us.

Stereotypes are bad for us. When we’re assessing people, our brains are wired for survival not success. We must work to overcome our biases in order to create the diverse, equitable and inclusive world that we want to live in.

If a quiet and reserved person has shown they can be a great salesperson, but a manager finds them deficient because they don’t exhibit enough “confidence” — which one needs coaching?

Some of our ideas about what constitutes a successful businessperson are probably gendered. We manifest biases that favor the status quo. Many leaders, even unintentionally, will find it easiest to favor hiring people who are most like them.

I am not an expert on DEI. I am trying to learn everything I can, especially from people with lived experience. Women, people of color, and other underrepresented groups are overcoming tremendous obstacles. I support them, and I support them supporting each other. They don’t need me telling them what they need to do better.

I am speaking instead to people who look like me. Ask yourself if any of the “skills” you’re recruiting for are really “widely-held but fixed and oversimplified ideas” about what successful looks like.

Question whether your criteria are reinforcing biases against gender, race, national origin, language, neurodiversity, age, appearance, or any of the other characteristics that make us different amazing human beings.

Otherwise, we are sending the message that our goal is to hire more people who look, think, and act like us. That’s what got us into this mess, and we can do better.