How Not to Get a Job
How Not to Get a Job
Sometimes you have to do everything wrong before you can do anything right.
I’ve remastered this piece I wrote in early 2022.
Sometimes you have to do everything wrong before you can do anything right.
I rage quit a job after failing to collect a promotion I knew I deserved. I thought it might take a few months to land something new. It took two long and lonely years.
I tried everything. Nothing worked. So I tried nothing for a while. That didn’t help.
I emailed anybody who I thought might talk to me. I was politely brushed off. I was ghosted. I was ignored.
I found innovative ways to humiliate myself in interviews. I forgot the name of the company I was interviewing for. I had no idea what their product does. I choked in the initial interview. I choked in the final round.
I whiffed, I shot myself in the foot, and I went down in brilliant, flickering flames.
I sent out cover letters with the wrong employer’s name. I sent cover letters with no employer’s name. I spent hundreds of dollars on résumé fonts.
I developed a harrowing obsession with my résumé. I wasn’t revising it any more, I was torturing it. Those slashes over the ‘é’ aren’t accent marks, they’re scars.
I applied to jobs two levels below my last, and was insulted when they didn’t respond. I applied to jobs two levels above my last title. They didn’t respond either. I considered vandalizing their web site.
I didn’t learn enough about the employer, so I couldn’t ask interesting questions. I knew too much about the employer, so I asked questions nobody could answer.
In desperation, I started sending out as many applications as I could. And it showed.
I started out safe, healthy, and stable, with an amazing family and great friends. I had a track record. I had accomplishments, mastery of skills, a network of friends and colleagues to vouch for me.
It didn’t take me long to forget all of that. I convinced myself that I was an empty, lonely, miserable failure.
Every rejection confirmed it. I’d settle for even less, though. I’d find rejection where it wasn’t. My quiet phone or my lonely inbox was enough to remind me that I wasn’t good enough.
My people told me that I’d be ok. I didn’t believe them. Everywhere I looked I saw evidence that I was falling farther and farther behind.
If you’re going through anything like this, know that you’re not alone.
Your story can turn around at any moment. I never felt like more of a loser than when I was on the verge of winning.
Since then, I have ridden along with clients on their journeys. I have cheered with them, and I have wept with them. One client got hired after three weeks of coaching. One quit after eleven weeks, with one session left to go.
Your social feed is not going to tell you how to get through an 18-month job search. It’s already full of people getting hired 4 weeks after their layoff. That’s the algorithm doing its work on you.
Failure posts don’t get likes. But you need to like your failures if you’re going to survive. Laugh at your mistakes. Celebrate rejection! Share your failure stories with me and I’ll tell you all of mine.
At times it feels like you’re doing everything wrong. But if you do it wrong long enough, eventually you’ll get good at it anyway. Soon it starts to feel… not so bad!
Here’s a secret: if you get good enough at something, it doesn’t matter whether you’re doing it right or doing it well!
Besides, eventually you’ll run out of wrong ways to do it. And the right way will be the only way that’s left.