Listening to Moms
Listening to Moms
Moms: Today and every day, I am listening! Please tell me your stories in the comments about how we can support you at work.
Moms: Today and every day, I am listening! Please tell me your stories in the comments about how we can support you at work.
Here are a few stories I’ve heard so far.
One mother told me that she went to the home of a colleague for a working meeting. She brought along her newborn baby without prior arrangement. Her male colleague was unfazed, in fact delighted, and very accommodating.
He made a bassinet by pushing two chairs together. There’s no prize for this courtesy, but 15 years later, she remembers feeling reassured by his signal that having a meeting while parenting was No Big Deal.
A mother who worked in a stuffy corporate environment remembers one or two male executives showing up to early pandemic video meetings with toddlers on their lap. They set an example by making this a non-event. Again, no prizes for being normal, but a welcome demo that people of all genders at all levels contribute by parenting during the workday.
A grandmother told a story from 30 years ago. A male candidate turned up for a job interview with a kid in tow. Candidate explained that his partner will ill and that he’d had to scramble to make the meeting. Grammie and her colleagues were surprised but pleased by this: It demonstrated his confidence and resourcefulness.
Delight gave way to alarm when they realized that if a woman had arrived with her child, they might have questioned her ability to manage her own time. Interrogating your own biases, and not liking what you find: It’s not just for the youngs.
A mom on my team returned from a paid family leave, and I asked about her experience. It was wonderful, she said. The impact on her family was enormous, and it made a contribution to her feelings of loyalty to her employer.
One thing: She felt left out and cut off from her team. Many companies cut off access to email during a leave. Like many counter-productive corporate behaviors, there’s a reason for this that relates to legal liability.
Being completely disconnected made it harder for her to transition. A weekly email or a monthly phone call might have helped.
I facepalmed. I had talked with her peers about trying to keep her in the loop. We decided not to, because we thought she’d want to be left alone. Why hadn’t I just asked her?
Listening to these stories and others, here’s what I’ve heard:
1. There are many ways that leaders send messages about what’s expected, understood, and appreciated.
2. Continually interrogate your biases. If you find some weird, janky stuff up there, that’s ok. Keep trying.
3. Leaders can ask their people what they want and need to live successful, healthy lives as parents while building their careers.
Parents and mothers of all genders deserve our respect and support. In the comments I’d like to hear specifically from moms about what you need from your leaders and colleagues to help you be great and feel great at work.