You Are Not Your Job
For whoever needs to hear this today:
For whoever needs to hear this today:
You are not your job. Whatever happens there does not define you.
You are everything that you have accomplished in your career. Think of every offer you’ve received, deal you’ve made, promotions, raise, project, launch, encouraging word, hire, high-five. Think about what you still plan to achieve. All of that defines you.
You are not the last insensitive or hurtful thing that somebody said to you. Fuck all that.
You are every caring, loving relationship you’ve enjoyed over your years on the planet. All of your friends, lovers, all of the co-workers you’ve kept up with after changing jobs, the children you babysat for who are now growing up, the couple that own the pet store who you always give a holiday card to.
All of those relationships define you.
When a bad thing happens to you at work, it does not define you.
Think back to before the OKRs were whiffed, or you got laid off, or somebody said your work was “missing something, I’m not sure what exactly, but could you maybe just try again, ideally by 4?”
Before the thing happened that sent you here, were you an excellent person who had done a lot with their life and had a lot going for them? So, why don’t you feel that way now? What changed?
Nothing changed! You are still that person!
Recency bias that causes us to emphasize the significance of our latest errors out of proportion to the appropriate context. When our careers threaten our safety we can struggle to give these experiences the tiny bit of meaning they deserve next to our families and our friends and our other accomplishments.
If we lose focus on what makes us who we are, these little calamaties can seem like catastrophes. If we let that happen, our greatest victories won’t mean anything.
What to do? When bad happens, take a deep breath and allow yourself to feel what needs to be felt. Then, take the thing and gently place it next to everything else you have done in your life, next to all of the people who love you, next to all of your personal and professional accomplishments, and ask yourself this:
Am I going to let this thing define me?
You may answer: Yes, self, yes I am. I am going to let it define me. But only for 1 hour. Or only for 1 day.
Or as you binge approximately five to seven episodes of Wednesday, Netflix’s delightful reboot of The Addams Family on Netflix, which I highly recommend.
Do whatever works for you.
I don’t know you, but I might know you better than your job does right now.
Feel what needs to be felt, but keep it in context. Keep your head up high, and keep going.