I am Back on My Bullshit
Hard-won lessons from someone who has been there.
Hey! I’m Back on my Bullshit.
A cherished reader told me they love my writing, and they want more of the
tough stuff. “What happened to your edge?” they said.
This is for you, pal. Not everybody will agree with all of this. Take what feels safe for you, and leave the rest behind.
Hating on recruiters is a very bad look. 80% of the time, it’s not their fucking fault! Hiring managers go psychotic when given open headcount (go ahead, ask me how I know.) Recruiters shouldn’t ghost people, but we shouldn’t be ghosting recruiters, either. Ask one, and you’ll learn that most recruiters are way more often the ghosted than the ghost.
If you take a conference call from a boat, a bar, or a beach — for fuck’s sake do not announce it. Shut the camera off, hit mute, and hope nobody calls on you.
I’m not looking for experience when hiring and promoting people managers anymore. The worst managers I’ve seen are the ones who’ve been doing it the longest. Every one of us got our first shot at management from someone who believed we could do it. Hiring on experience instead of potential is called “pulling the ladder up behind you.”
(Confidential to new parents, 👆🏼 goes for you, too. Don’t believe anything the olds tell you. Believe in yourself. You’ll never be better at it than you were the very first time you tried.)
Try not to talk about how busy you are. I say this with love: Nobody cares. Wait, except me — I care! Please, drink some water.
Give two weeks’ notice when quitting — no more and no less. Unless you’re being abused, taken advantage of, if the law is being broken, or if they truly deserve it in which case by all means just ghost those fuckers. 👻
For managers and up, it’s classy (but not mandatory) to offer four weeks notice. If you’re trying to leave on good terms, consider giving management enough time to attempt to make your succession look like it was thoughtfully planned, even though this and literally everything else is doomed to fail without you.
The idea of a “zero to one” product is nonsense. Nobody starts with zero, and nobody ever gets to one. I prefer a talented person who’s built customer-focused features to somebody who launched something new that nobody wants.
When I hear “I have an open door policy” I know I’m probably looking at someone who’s impossible to talk to. (Go ahead, ask me how I know.) If I am open-minded, calm, and kind, I’ve no need to insist that my door is open — people will beat it down to chat. This policy is an excuse from someone who can’t be bothered.
I don’t have to love every one of my co-workers, but they deserve my respect. It’s easy to work well with people you adore. An operator sets aside personal bullshit in order to get things done, even with people who they don’t like.
That last one is not an invitations to dickheads to dickhead. You don’t have to tolerate someone who has violated your boundaries, broken company rules, or violated the the law. For them, your priority is to keep yourself safe. Get away, make a report, or ask someone you trust for help.
Any time you’re not sure what to do, you can always reach out to me — just hit reply, or email me. It doesn’t cost anything to ask a question, or get some quick advice.
I’d like “ghost those fuckers” written on my tombstone ✋
I'm all for the edge Matthew although I do appreciate the kinder/gentler version, knowing that your dial goes up to at least 11.
I like your list but many of these ought to have some disclaimers such as "it depends" and "it's hard to make a rule for every situation"
Also:
Act like the person you want to be regardless of the dickhead you're dealing with.
A fast, unequivocal no doesn't take longer then ghosting someone.
A lot of recruiters are too junior and have too much power - that's not really their fault.
Two weeks notice assumes that no one around you will suffer when you're gone. If you're senior give adequate notice for transitions. Most orgs. won't actually make use of the time but this is the stand-up thing to do.
Kids and families come in all sorts of forms - listen to experienced folks when their lives parallel yours.